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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Sandusky City Schools To Suffer "Disasters Of Biblical Proportion" If Levy Fails

WEB UPDATE: The Sandusky City Schools are set to suffer disasters of biblical proportions if an upcoming levy doesn't pass, says Treasurer Troy Wigout. The Sandusky Board of Education is stressing that the disasters are scheduled to begin on November 15th if voters don't approve a levy which will generate $2.7 million for the school system. "We're using the strongest language possible this time, because it didn't work last time. This time it's serious folks," said Wigout.

Wigout claims that the following cataclysmic events will occur if the levy doesn't pass:

  • 40 days and 40 nights of total darkness
  • Swarms of locusts will eat all local sweet corn
  • Lake Erie will turn to blood
  • Sandusky will be overtaken by frogs, lice and house flies

Wigout stressed that even though the community may suffer from natural disasters, the community can take comfort in the fact that Wigout and fellow administrators will continue to be paid, and school will resume at the end of August.

Read more in later editions of the Regurgitator's